Today, I’m going to be talking about healthy relationships and how to form them.
This comes in response to a reader’s question who is asking me:
“What should really be the motivation when forming a relationship? How do you make it healthy? How do you make it good and prosperous?”
This is a question that I have had to learn the hard way. I mean, I had to have a LOT of unhealthy relationships in order to discover piece by piece what it meant to be in a HEALTHY relationship. What it looks like and what it doesn’t look like.
Building Healthy Relationships – The 3 Foundations
So, in any relationship there are three primary motivations that are the foundation of that relationship. If you have them in the right order, your relationship will thrive in the long-term. It will thrive for as long as it’s supposed to. And at the end of the relationship – if there’s an end – it will happen harmoniously without anger, without jealousy, or without hatred. It will simply be the perfect thing for that relationship to do.
And if you get these motivations mixed up, you’ll have a not so healthy relationship that most likely will end in anger, fear, jealousy, hatred, and resentments, etc….
The only way I was able to recognize this is that in my current relationship, I formed it in this order. And it showed me that in all my other relationships, I formed it in a different order and it did not serve me. I’ll explain more about that in a second.
So, what are the three motivations?
Foundation #1: Consciousness
The first foundation is God, Spirit, your Highest Calling in life – whatever that may be – your PUREST potential. That needs to be the foundation, the first primary motivation of the relationship. Meaning, if you are on a spiritual path, if you are seeking God in your own way, seeking Spirit, seeking Higher Consciousness, that has to remain your MOST important thing as well as your partner’s.
If neither of you are on that path yet, put that to the wayside for the relationship itself, your relationship will ABSOLUTELY fail. It’s guaranteed.
Foundation #2: Personal Growth
Now, if you are someone who’s really self-actualizing, you’re going to definitely connect in with this second motivation the most because motivation number two needs to be personal progress. A relationship needs to come together where each person is still more interested in their own progress towards their own greatest life as well as the progress of the other person.
So, think of the first two motivations so far. We’ve got God, Spirit, or Elevated Consciousness as number one. Then, we have our own personal growth and their personal growth as number two.
Foundation #3: Love
Now, number three is the one that most of us usually do as number one, which is the love, the sex, the intimacy, the physical connection, the romantic connection, all of that. That’s actually the THIRD most important foundation of a healthy relationship.
Now the way I was able to see this is because every relationship I’ve ever had, up until the one I’m in now, every relationship I’ve ever had had been formed on the third motivation – on love, on lust, on sex, on intimacy. We have absolutely fantastic sex and we continue to do so, and we continue to do so.
But that, as the GLUE of the relationship cannot last and ultimately, will not bring you to living your highest life expression. It will not bring you up over the long run and it will not bring your partner up over the long run.
Eventually, the relationship will DETERIORATE. And, there will be jealousy, anger, resentments and similar relationship problems because somewhere along the line, one or two, or of you lost your forward momentum. One of you isn’t living their greatest life expression and this relationship is partly to blame. That’s what happens when you build a relationship around sex, lust and intimacy.
But when you have personal progress and human growth, and God or Consciousness or Spirit ABOVE those two things and you found the relationship on those top two, now you have a relationship that’s going somewhere.
Now, you have a healthy relationship where both people are giving to each other and neither is taking from one another. And both people while coming together are still in ALIGNMENT with their greatest purpose, with their greatest life calling, their greatest life expression. Neither person is getting derailed.
Ultimately, it’s very easy to get derailed by sex and lust, the romantic connection, and all of the literal love drugs that we experience in that stage. We put the blinders on. We don’t see anybody’s faults. We don’t see the way they’re holding us back. We don’t see the way that they’re not contributing to us fully. All because we are on some very real, physical drugs that affect our psychological assessment of the situation. And, that all comes from the physical intimacy.
And so if we’re being derailed, or if we do not love God or Spirit as much as we would like to, we’re not meditating as much as we’d like to, or we’re not progressing in our life purpose as much as we’d like to, we kind of don’t see it for a little while because of the love drugs. But once those love drugs wear off, which they always eventually do then, the relationship starts breaking down.
So the foundations, the motivations for a healthy relationship are the elevation of your own personal consciousness and their elevation as well.
Both of you must stay grounded in that. That’s the most important thing. Then second most important thing, the elevation of your personal expression in this life – your greatest calling in life, whatever that looks like – your work in the world. Both of you need to be bringing each other up, as well as thriving inside your own inside of this relationship. And then the third motivation needs to be a healthy connection of intimacy, physical connection, physical touch, love, all of that. That is really the third foundation of this healthy relationship.
So, if you live them in that order, not only will you have a beautiful, harmonious relationship while you’re in the relationship, but if that relationship is not really for the long haul, it will also end beautifully, harmoniously, without jealousy, hate, or resentment.
I hope that has been helpful for you all. I hope that’s been eye-opening. It’s OK if you’re not a daily meditator, or if you do not love God and Spirit every moment of the day like I tend to or strive for. But you can still find a healthy relationship by recognizing what your motivations really are. So, I hope that’s been helpful.
For any of you men who want to learn much more about relationships but also much more about yourself and living your greatest, most powerful, most successful life possible in all ways, please check out the True Man Academy. There’s a free hour and a half training to get you started and it’s a pretty kick-butt.
As always, thank you so much for joining me. Please comment below. Share your thoughts. Share your opinions. I’ll interact with you as much as possible. Like the video if you liked it. Subscribe to my You Tube Channel and check out my next video. I’ll be back soon.
To Your Success,